A book I recommend: Just Listen

Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone, by Mark Goulston M.D. 

This is the name of the last I read and which impressed me enough to can recommend it. It is an easy to read book with plenty of tricks which will make a big improvement in your life. From my point of view, if these small secrets are applied correctly your career will be boosted ten fold.

Each chapter of the book presents a trick of how to get through the others. The main ones are:
1.         Move yourself from “oh F#@& to OK”
2.         Rewire yourself to listen
3.         Make the other person feel “felt„
4.         Be more interested than interesting
5.         Make people feel valuable
6.         Help people to exhale emotionally and mentally
7.         Check your dissonance at the door
8.         When all seems lost bare your neck
9.         Steer clear of toxic people

My key learning points

1.   Look interested rather than interesting
Till now I always thought it is very important to be an interesting person and have interesting things to share in order to interest people you are interested in. So, when reading this chapter I had a so called “aha” moment. This is what was missing to “Listen what those around you say”: sincerity! Sincere interest in what are they saying, what they are doing and their lives.
Bottom line: When I feel a person is not interesting or boring, I’ll think on this: “Boredom is what happens when I fail to make someone interesting.“

2.    From “Oh f#@&” to “OK”
Reading this book I realized it is actually normal to get angry or to lose control in a tense situation. Therefore the secret is not refraining yourself from these feelings, nor to move almost instantly from attack mode to emotional mode to smart mode.
Bottom line: “The key to wining is poise under stress“.

3.    No to Yes?
I put the question mark because even after reading this book I don’t truly believe in this, or at least I don’t know how to make it work. I believe there are situations when people behave reasonable so you can talk to them and situations and even people who just don’t want something to happen. From my point of view it is more efficient bringing logic arguments and proves to convince people than working on their mind or feelings. You may say this is the easy way, but on long term, an emotionally convinced person is more devoted. Com’on let’s be honest, do you still believe “in love” is a forever emotion?

4.    Steer clear of toxic people
I don’t know since when or how come I made it working, but for the last months I keep my self away of things and so called toxic people. There are people who give me self destroying energy, feelings and I right now for me am very clear these people have nothing to do in my life.
Of course they are part of our everyday landscape, but we choose if they become part of our lives or not.

About the author
Mark Goulston, M.D., is a business psychiatrist who through his early career intervened with  suicidal and violent individuals. This eventually led to his training of hostage negotiators for the police and the FBI.

Want to know more? Here is the link to his blog.
http://markgoulston.com/

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